have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
