I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
