your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i barfeds in our rink
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
