We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
