he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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