bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If that was your dad, he is hot
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
