Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
