Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize