im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
After last night, I could never be a politician.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
