You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
