so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You did what with his pubic hair?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
