I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
