we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
