...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
