I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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