I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
