brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
