paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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