Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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