I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
