i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
