first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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