i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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