The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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