Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
