i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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