ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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