God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
