I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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