Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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