So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My penis needs a shock collar
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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