I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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