people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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