Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(907): View more from Alaska

He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.

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(909): View more from California

dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.

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(772): View more from Florida

i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me

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(716): View more from New York

It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(847): View more from Illinois

This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.

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(563): View more from Iowa

I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast

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(543): View more from

So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?

(256): View more from Alabama

Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.

(543): View more from

You are an idiot.

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(904): View more from Florida

This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant

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