you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.