He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.