sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
