I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question