He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant