Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?