"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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