Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
