woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
