Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
3pm strippers are depressing
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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