I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
