I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
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watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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