I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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