she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You smell like stripper and shame
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
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We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
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Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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