I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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