i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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