On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
