So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
