i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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