In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
