sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
