we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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