Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
