bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
