i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
