couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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