I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
