At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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