OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
